Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Hunting thoughts of super powers!

Remington doing his tummy time!
When you become a mother there is nothing in this world you would not do for your child, you know from the moment you find out you are pregnant you will do anything for the health and happiness of your baby. I remember sitting on my bed when I was about seven months pregnant promising my unborn baby that there is nothing I would not do for his health and happiness. I sometimes wish there was more I could do to make this promise come true for Remington. I know that he has such a long road ahead of him and sometimes I find myself focusing on all the things that COULD happen to my baby, all the things that COULD take my sweet child away from me and sometimes these thought over power all the good roads that lay ahead. I always feel guilty for feeling this way but sometimes I just would like to know why this should be Remington's life(even though I know he is a gift from the lord)! Why should he have to bear such a great burden.
best cuddle partner!
 Tonight as I sat here holding Remington watching my favorite t.v. show (Parenthood) lots of thoughts started to come into my head. How come Remington has been given to us? What did we do so right to be given such and amazing spirit? Why does his life have to come with so many challenges? What will happen if Remington ends up getting something serious? Can we go through this again? What can I do to stop any pain my child might have to go through? Even though I try not to let the "What if's" thoughts bring me down sometimes they get the best of me! Now do not get me wrong the thoughts of all the fun we will have and already have with Remington out weight the bad thoughts by along shoot. Yet as any mother would,  I do fear what lays ahead for my baby. I sometimes have a hard time putting him down in his crib because I never want to let him go in fear of what tomorrow might bring. Sometimes I cover him in kisses just in case someday I don't get to give him anymore. I sometimes wonder what I will do the first day that Remington figures out he is just a little different. How that conversation will be handled by Dallen and I, that thought puts me in tears every single time I think about it. What mom or dad ever wants to tell there child they are different? Yet I know he will be smart and he will figure it all out for himself.  In our eyes Remington is the greatest thing since ham fried rice!  We will always do our best to make his life the very best we can, even on the rough days! I know that time will help prepare us for this challenge and all the challenges to come. I just wish I could have a glimpse into the future to prepare myself for all that might lay ahead for Remington. Although I know this is how I would be even if Remington did not have Downs syndrome. Dallen would call me a worry wart. He might be right but lets not let him know I admitted that, he would get a big head!
 I know right now it might seem that I am out for a pity party but I am not looking for anyone to feel sorry for us because there nothing to feel sorry about. Remington is the greatest baby in the entire world and I am one blessed mommy. Yet the fear of the unknown does keep me up at night sometimes and I know this is normal(even though it makes me feel guilty)! I want this blog to be about the real side of raising a child with super powers and through that I want to be real about the thoughts that go through a parents mind each and everyday. My hope is that someday someone going through something similar to us can read my blog and find peace knowing THEY are NOT alone! 
We love everyone so much and are so thankful for all the love and support everyone is always showing to us. We know that Remington is going to have a great life and will make it through whatever is tossed his way. We know that we are not alone and are not given anything that can not be handled. Remington is such a great example to us all. We feel so blessed to have him in our lives!
Remington's mommy
This is a fortune cookie I got a week before
Remington was born, Just barley
found the picture on my phone!

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