Monday, July 18, 2011

Remingtons arrival!!!

Remington Hugh Butterfield!
When you are young and you dream of being a mother, you imagine the stork bringing your baby down in a little white sack(like on dumbo) and dropping off your healthy baby. As we grow older we learn the concept of the stork and the little white sack with the baby inside is not really accurate but our thoughts never detour from the idea that our babies will be healthy! Then as you start to watch your baby growing inside you all the precaution are taken to insure the "healthy" baby concept. You stop drinking soda, you do not eat sea food more then once a week, you stop taking all medication that could possibly cause any damage. We make sure we do not miss a visit to the doctor who shows us just how healthy our babies are by listening to the strong heartbeat and showing you pictures of your "healthy" baby! The thought never comes across our minds that something, against all odds could still be wrong with our little wonders!
On oxygen in nursery!
On June 6th 2011 my little wonder Remington Hugh Butterfield was born at a whooping 8 pounds 1 once and 22 inches long! We were both so excited to see our little man for the first time and were so relieved to hear that first cry! Remington had the cord wrapped around his neck three times and was very purple! They told Dallen and I that he would need to go to the nursery and be put on oxygen as a precaution and would soon be in our arms! So without even getting to hold my new baby he was taken away! Dallen of course could not take his eyes off his new baby boy and was not about to leave his side(such a good daddy right from the start)! So I was given something to make me sleep while they stitched me up from the C-section! I closed my eyes with the thought that soon I would wake to my baby and husband and our family could all see this beautiful little baby that Dallen and I had created! When I woke up the nurses advised me that Remington was still having a hard time breathing on his own so he would need to stay in the nursery for awhile longer! Now because I am still under the grasp of  the "healthy" baby concept it truly never crossed my mind that Remington was not going to be just fine! So I laughed and joked with my nurses and even posted a picture of the little man on facebook! Soon my legs were no longer numb and I could not wait to see my new little baby! Okay being honest my legs were still pretty numb but I could not stay away any longer! Up to this point I really could not even tell you what Remington looked like because I had only been able to see him for a short second before he was sent to the nursery! So if you can imagine I was very excited to be with him! I was only able to stay in the nursery for a short while because my little white lie became pretty clear to the nurses and to my loving husband! The nurses told me to get some rest and soon Remington would be in my arms safe and sound! For the second time I woke up not to a baby crying, but to a Doctor who had come to talk with Dallen and I about Remington's condition! She began telling us that Remi was not doing well breathing on his own and had aspirated bacteria during birth! He would need to be transported to Primary Children's Hospital were they could properly treat him! My heart sank to my toes! As I sat there trying to catch my breath the "Healthy" baby concept left and all I wanted to know is if my little man would be okay! The Doctor who was not the best at giving bad news began advising us that if he was not transported he might not make it through the night. My heart began to beat even faster as those words came out of her mouth. I think this is the point that I really started to understand the severity of the situation. Then she began to drop and even bigger bomb on Dallen and I, she told us that Remington was showing some signs of a chromosomal defect. She was fifty percent sure at this point that he had Down syndrome! I sat there fighting back the burst of tears as she explained why she was under this impression! I looked over at Dallen and could see in his eyes the tears being fought back too. He and I in that moment knew just what being a parent truly meant. I just wanted to wrap my arms around my baby and take away all his pain! As soon as the Doctor and nurses had left my room, I sent Dallen and Papa Hugh down to give Remington a blessing! Everyone left with them and soon I was all alone. How could this all happen? What could I have done to make this happen? I am a bad mom because my baby is sick and that had to come from me...RIGHT?!! All these painful thoughts came through my head all at once! Soon I was crying so hard that I finally feel asleep! 
Before he was taken by life flight!
 Once again I woke to not my baby crying but the life flight people preparing me for what my baby would look like when they brought him in. I soon saw the sight that will be imprinted in my mind forever! Remington was pushed into the room in a big tube with cords and tubes all over! As a parent this is just the worst possible thing you can ever imagine happening to your babies! I sat there holding his hand and just praying to Heavenly Father that he would pull through! I did not want to let him go because I knew the moment I did he would be pushed away and I would once again be without my baby! I could not stop hating myself for doing this to my baby! Soon the doctor told us that he needed to go so after taking pictures as a family(our first family picture) I watched as they wheeled my new baby( still without getting to hold him) out of my room! That night I prayed to Heavenly Father to be with Remington and Dallen! To help them both to make it through this and to help me to understand why this had all happened! I feel like all of this is pretty private and want to keep this part to myself but I received plenty of understanding that night as to why this had happened. I was comforted to know that my family would soon be whole and we could start our new lives! 
My poor baby!
first family picture!
  I want to end this entry by saying that I truly knew that day there was so much more going on then anyone could see! I know through this experience my testimony in my heavenly father has grown and I know that Remington was sent to us for a reason. Remington was diagnosed with Down syndrome about a week later at Primary's. Dallen and I both know that this is a great blessing from the lord and are looking forward to all that GREAT adventures to come. Remington in a few short weeks has taught us so much about ourselves, life, love and the grace of god. We know that through his life here on earth he will do more teaching us then we will do to him. I am so blessed for my little boy and look forward to all his great accomplishments in his life! Thank you to all you who have supported my family. We truly feel so blessed to have friends and family who care so much!
Remington's Mommy!!